Saturday, May 28, 2011

Exploring The House

Consciousness Exploration Journal
May 27, 2011, 4:48am

I had set my alarm for 3:33am. My plan was to get up for a bit and then listen to one of William Buhlman’s OBE techniques. I woke up to turn off the alarm, but fell back asleep before getting my headphones and iPod set up. Shortly after drifting back to sleep, I woke up to vibrations. I used the “brain strain” technique to intensify the vibrations (really just another way to encourage the vibrations). I was laying on my back, but not in my normal position. I was in more of a typical sleep position; mostly sprawled out. I noticed that my arms were tingling from low circulation, but I did not want to loose the vibrations. I just let my arms be, knowing that I would get the signal if they really needed to be adjusted. 

After several attempts, I was able to sit up and out of my body. I sat up and moved to the middle of my living room. I raised both my hands in the air in silent victory. Unsure of what to do, I looked around a bit and just took in the scene. I felt like there was something I had planned to do, but I could not recall what it was. I was happy just to have had a smooth process. I tried a few Buhlman style “clarity now” commands. I tried saying it very loud with a great deal of emphasis (I even clapped my hands as I said it). Things got a bit more clear, but not much. I glanced over at the couch several times to see if my body was there, but only saw the couch. Once when I looked, it seemed like there were sheets on the couch (which was not the case in actuality). 

I decided to float down the hallway toward the bedrooms. For some reason, I had sunglasses on. I think this happened because my expectation was that the hallway was going to be dark. I went to the end of the hall. Satisfied with my ability to travel, I turned around and started heading back to the living room. The hallway was a bit longer that normal and even darker now. I realized that I was still wearing the sunglasses, so I took them off. I did this several times until I had a handful of sunglasses. I silently laughed at this and realized what I was doing. At that realization, things seemed to stay at the expected brightness. 

Back in the living room, I looked at the couch again to see if I could see my body. Again, there was nothing. I tried to focus harder... almost to make my body appear. I began to see a slight outline of dim light around where my body should have been. The thought crossed my mind that I could make my body be there if I really wanted to. It did not seem productive though so I let it go. I turned toward the den. I knew there was something that I was going to do or ask, but I had not established it clearly enough before falling asleep. My main goal was to instigate another smooth transition and exit... so really I had already reached my goal. I starting to check my watch to help me come up with something to ask or some test to conduct. I was starting to take the watch off, when I realized what I was doing. I don’t normally wear a watch and even if I did, I wouldn't look at it to come up with ideas. The more I think about it, I should have looked at the watch; maybe it could have given me an idea after all. The idea popped into my head to go in the den where our little dogs sleep at night and see what type of interaction might take place. I floated into the den and they came right up to me in their normal excited manner. The room and the dog area looked different enough though that I realized that I was probably creating the dogs and their reaction. I said hi to them and talked to them for a minute and then floated back to the living room. I say floated because my movement was very smooth. I was upright like I was walking, but I was not walking per say. 

Back in the living room, I decided that I wanted it to be brighter, so I said, “It is daytime”. I did this several times, but little seemed to change. I went to the front door to go explore the outside. The door was solid and did not have a window like the actual door. I decided that I would float through it. I put my hands out in front of me, finger tips extended, and started to head through the door. My fingers thudded against it though. It was totally solid. I tried a few more times, but could not pass through. I thought about the idea that I was either being encouraged to stay or that I just needed to focus more. Eventually the experience ended and I woke up.

This was a good experience for several reasons. First, the exit was smooth and easy; no sleep paralysis required. Second, things were much more clear than my past explorations in the vicinity of my sleeping body. I should add that I don’t necessarily think that I am actually near my body or even separated from it at all. Frankly, I don’t think that it matters. These things will reveal themselves in time. I have to just carry on being open-minded and skeptical, and take one step at a time. I know that many others have found that 3 - 4 am is somewhat of a magic hour. Such has been true for me as well. I will certainly be setting my alarm for 3:30 again. Something else to note is that I was sleeping on the couch. Buhlman recommends getting up to an alarm and then moving to a new location that is not directly related to sleep (example: moving from the bed to a couch).

Reflection Test

Consciousness Exploration Journal
May 28th, 2011 4pm

I laid down to listen to William Buhlman’s OBE techniques (portal). I fell asleep during the guided technique and woke up sometime after. I turned on the riverbend dream loop on my iPod and fell back asleep. I woke up a few times after this but did not feel any vibrations or signs of a potential OBE. I decided to not worry about laying in my typical meditation position and instead relax into a more comfortable sleep position. Shortly after that, I woke up to some intense vibrations. Eventually I was able to exit my body.

I was in my bedroom floating toward a large mirror. It was really more like I was being escorted to the mirror. There should have been a set of french doors leading to the back yard, but instead was this very large mirror. I was trying to look at my reflection in the eyes, but was having a difficult time getting my head to turn the correct way. I kept overshooting to one side and then the other. It was as if my reflection was also having a hard time looking at me. Eventually, we made full eye contact. When this happened there was a strange sensation like the eye contact really locked into place. This was accompanied by a slight jolt and buzzing sound. My reflection seemed mostly normal (as normal as one might expect in an OBE or dream). I smiled at myself and noticed that my teeth were broken and discolored. I have experienced this in several dreams in the past so I was not surprised. I tried just knocking and rubbing my teeth out to see if they would go away. One or two fell out, but little else changed. Curious if I could change how they looked, I did a sort of magician-like motion to change them to pearly white. It did not work. Being playful, I started make faces at myself. I got a little carried away and lifted my hands up in the air as if I had claws and began to snarl and make mean faces. The reflection became very exaggerated. The room grew dark and began to take on a red tint. It was straight out of a horror movie. I realized that things were headed down a path that I didn’t care to explore, so I moved away from the mirror.

Shortly after this, I woke up again to more vibrations. This time, I had a very sharp pain in my right side. I was in full sleep paralysis. The vibrations were very intense. I had the sensation that my feet were hanging off the end of the bed. I had the childlike sensation that something might grab at them. My body felt very dense and it was uncomfortable at the various areas that were touching the bed. The pain in my side grew even sharper. I decided to just let it all go and keep working toward getting out of my body. I remember thinking, “Oh no you don’t... I’m not falling for these tricks!”. The buzzing and vibrations grew louder. I could hear a voice singing in my ear and footsteps in the room. I did my best to ignore this and stuck with it. I realized that I should take some action instead of just waiting and gutting it out. I announced that I wanted to be at my bedroom door. I did this twice and did begin to feel some change, but nothing solid. I realized that I should try to go somewhere further away from my body. I decided on the bathroom and called out that I wanted to be in the bathroom. I quickly remembered that the bathroom had two large mirrors and I didn’t want to inadvertently pick up where I had left off with my previous reflection. Eventually, I decided to just sit up out of my body.

Everything was totally black, but I had the sensation that I was standing in my room. I tried to "open my eyes", but no luck. I tried to rub them with my hands, but that didn’t work either. I decided to breath very deep and slowly; with each exhale, I tried to breath vision into the scene. It did not exactly work but it did create some interesting color effects. I eventually decided to move to the kitchen to regroup. I don’t remember actually moving to the kitchen, but I had a strange overhead visual like I was tracking the way down the hall and into the kitchen. There were people working in my house. I didn’t actually see them, I was just aware of their presence. The people were cleaning up something. I believe they were vacuuming up water or debris of some sort.

In the kitchen I did not really have any vision. It was more like having a perception of the kitchen. It was like I was standing in the kitchen with my eyes closed and visualizing what the kitchen should look like. Finally, I felt established and clear enough to try my intent. I said to myself, “I want to visit my friend C.W.” Nothing seemed to happen, so I repeated it several times. As I was doing this, it crossed my mind that I might still have the scary appearance left over from the mirror event. I did not want to accidentally scare my friend, so I did not try and maintain the state and just experienced it slowly fading until I woke up in bed. 

I'm not exactly sure what to make of the experience with the mirror. The only thing that comes to mind at the moment is that I must remember to keep my thoughts in check and to maintain some clarity and focus.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Don't Forget - Revisited

I was driving home today and had one of “those” strange feelings to pay attention. This normally means that some nice synchronicity is about to occur. I looked up through my windshield and noticed that I was passing Monroe Street.

Flashback to about 15 months ago. At that time I was already a frequent lucid dreamer and had had some “other” amazing night time experiences. These sort of things had been happening off and on for about 16 years or so. For some reason, I had always bypassed the topic of “out-of-body”. I had read about near death experience and just about everything else, but really had no idea what an OBE even was. Well, I got a little nudge 15 months ago to look into it. It did not take long to realize that several of my experiences over the last 16 years were classic OBE’s. I quickly got my hands on Bob Monroe’s three books: Journeys Out of the Body, Far Journeys, and Ultimate Journeys. I devoured all three books in a matter of weeks. When I set the last book down, I was exhausted. It was a total shock to my system. Suddenly, everything felt very uncertain and a bit gloomy. I had a deep sense of being alone and lost. Some deep seeded fears began to rise to the surface. I had to start from scratch. So, in the midst of all of this, I woke up one morning to some intense vibrations. I was no stranger to sleep paralysis and these vibrations, but something about this time was different. Now it was no longer just a weird thing that happened to me at night... it was real. I had been roaming around in the larger reality completely unaware that it just might be real. For whatever reason, this created a great deal of fear. Panicked, I forced the vibrations to stop. I was consumed with this event and trying to figure out these newly realized fears.

Later that day I was driving in my truck feeling totally lost and alone. My world had been flipped upside down, and I had no clue what to do next. How could I be so frightened that I would refuse such an opportunity? I felt ready and yet totally lost and frightened. Suddenly, I got that familiar feeling that some synchronicity was about to occur. My gut told me to grab my iPod. Knowing that it was on shuffle, I hit play. A song came on that I have most likely heard at some point, but had never paid any attention to. While listening to the lyrics a burst of emotion hit me that brought me to tears. Though I did not, I had a desire to get out of the car and yell at the top of my lungs into the open air... a combined cry of joy and frustration. Instead, I just murmured, "Thanks.” Below is the song:

don't forget, don't forget
that I believe in you
should you forget
should you forget
let me remind
that I am behind you

you were a secret, waiting to be found out
soon be what everyone is talking about
may you spread your love like laughter
find whatever you're after
open all your windows and let the music spill out

don't forget, don't forget
that I believe in you
should you forget
should you forget
let me remind you
that I am behind

may you dance like rain upon a still lake
you make this world a beautiful place
no more crying, don't shun your light, keep shining
wipe your tears from your sweet face

don't forget, don't forget
that I believe in you
should you forget
should you forget
let me remind you
that I am behind

don't be afraid should things happen to change
'cause change can be a beautiful thing
should things fall apart
be patient like a rainbow
life is loving and letting go

(Brett Dennen - Don't Forget)

Okay, so that explains why Monroe Street is significant. So I looked around as I drove keeping an eye on anything else that might be relevant. Well, it wasn’t obvious at first, but is was certainly related. The area that I was passing through is somewhat of a rough neighborhood. I noted several men dressed in what one might consider stereotypical gang attire. This was of course not that out of the ordinary for the area, but it was fitting for the sudden urge to pay attention. I’ll explain shortly.

About a month after the synchronicity with the song in my truck had occurred, I had began reading My Big Toe by Thomas Campbell. That really flipped my world up side down. I found so much truth in this book. So much of it matched my own understanding and findings. Yet again, various fears rose to the surface. I was excited and ready to soar, and yet again I felt totally lost, unsure, and frightened. Perfect timing for a fear test I suppose.

I have always found shows about prison life and gangs very interesting. At the time, I had been watching the TV series Gangland for some time. Slowly, the thought of mean spirited gangsters started to work their way into my daily life. To make a very long story short, there was a random home invasion robbery in my neighborhood and I found one of the bad guys hiding in my garage with a 9mm. I could not have created a more stereotypical and scary looking gang member. I hardly slept for months after this. The man had stolen $3,000 from another home and had hidden it somewhere in our yard while on the run. Over the next few weeks several suspicious cars drove down our dead end street. They would slow at our house and then zip away. I spent most of my nights like a watchman peering out our front windows... always on guard. Two weeks after finding the man in my garage, one of the detectives informed us that he was making calls from jail telling his gang buddies to go get the money that he had hidden in a corner of our property. Needless to say, this whole event played a huge role in the process of examining my fears.

I think it is highly probable that my unexamined fear of "evil" helped to bring this on. It has helped me grow though, so I would not call it a bad experience. Over the year that followed this event, I have had many dreams and OBEs that appeared to have been related fear tests... opportunities to express my courage and face such matters.

So, back to the original story. So now I had Monroe Street and a hand full of men in traditional street gangster attire. More than just these seemingly small details, I had this amazing surge within me. Something that I cannot explain completely in words. It was as though I was changing inside... like I was experiencing the being level changes that had resulted from the various experiences that had taken place over the last 15 months.

I had recently created a playlist on my iPod... the way the playlist came about is a whole other interesting chain of synchronizations. The playlist was currently playing in my truck as I drove past Monroe Street, past the hoodlums, and with this overwhelming feeling of something. I laughed out loud, I knew exactly what was about to happen. That song that had served as a message of hope so many months ago was about to come on. Now there were only so many songs on my new playlist, and I knew that this song was one of them, but the timing was interesting to say the least. The song came on. My entire existence filled with a surge of joy that I simply cannot explain. It was as if a chapter in my life had closed and I was receiving a small pat on the back to let me know that all was well and that I was exactly where I needed to be. I felt that familiar joyful sadness and saddening joy that seems to accompany such experiences. There are no words to express the feeling accurately. It is a feeling like I have the most beautiful song in the world to sing from the highest mountain, but there is no voice and there is no mountain. The feeling just sits. It just is. It was such an amazing and powerful feeling, and yet the only thing I could do was smile and shed a tear. Amazing.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Consciousness Art - "MBT"

This is a large charcoal drawing that I did for a class. For those of you that have read My Big Toe (MBT) it will perhaps have a different meaning.

Charcoal on Paper
47" X 38"

Naturespace Audio and a Lucid Dream

I have been using custom binaural beats as part of my daily meditation routine for around a year now. I was looking around the web for some nature sounds to add to my binaural beat tracks and came across They have some really amazing 3-D audio. They also provide a free iPhone and iPad app that allows you to listen to seamless loops of the various tracks. The app comes with some great free audio experiences, but you can also purchase others for around $1 or $2 each. The few that I have purchased have been well worth a few dollars. I highly recommend checking out their website with a good set of headphones.

So, yesterday morning my dog woke up needing to go outside. Many of my more interesting and profound experiences have occurred in the early morning hours after waking up and then returning to bed. When I returned to bed yesterday morning, I decided to listen to "Riverwind Dreaming", which is one of the tracks that comes with the Naturespace iPod app. I listened for a bit and slowly drifted off to sleep. I have had a large number of lucid dreams, but this was the first time that the dream actually began while I was already lucid. I was fully aware as the dream scape materialized around me. I found myself standing in front of a friend. He was really wanting to talk about sports. I was hoping to take full advantage of my lucidity so I informed him that I would prefer to talk about our existence. He smiled and gave me a, "Yea, that figures" sort of look. We shook hands and moved on our separate ways. The dream continued for some time. I interacted a bit with a person that I knew from high school, but otherwise it was a pretty standard lucid dream. The key part of course is that I was lucid and aware as the dream began. It was a very interesting process.

Though I do not think that the Naturespace audio was the direct cause of the lucid dream, it certainly played a role. The 3-D nature of the audio has a high potential to help one shift focus from this reality to another. I look forward to adding some of the Naturespace audio to my binaural beat tracks for meditation.

Tom Campbell MBT Forum Get Together March 2011

In March of 2011 many of the active participants of the My Big Toe discussion forum got together for some Q and A with author Thomas Campbell. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend. Maybe next year. Some of the questions and answers may see a little "out there" or confusing for those that have not read the My Big Toe trilogy. Any question that might arise from watching these Q and A videos can no doubt be answered by reading the My Big Toe trilogy.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

For more videos with Thomas Campbell visit his youtube channel or the MBTevents channel.