I was driving home today and had one of “those” strange feelings to pay attention. This normally means that some nice synchronicity is about to occur. I looked up through my windshield and noticed that I was passing Monroe Street.
Flashback to about 15 months ago. At that time I was already a frequent lucid dreamer and had had some “other” amazing night time experiences. These sort of things had been happening off and on for about 16 years or so. For some reason, I had always bypassed the topic of “out-of-body”. I had read about near death experience and just about everything else, but really had no idea what an OBE even was. Well, I got a little nudge 15 months ago to look into it. It did not take long to realize that several of my experiences over the last 16 years were classic OBE’s. I quickly got my hands on Bob Monroe’s three books: Journeys Out of the Body, Far Journeys, and Ultimate Journeys. I devoured all three books in a matter of weeks. When I set the last book down, I was exhausted. It was a total shock to my system. Suddenly, everything felt very uncertain and a bit gloomy. I had a deep sense of being alone and lost. Some deep seeded fears began to rise to the surface. I had to start from scratch. So, in the midst of all of this, I woke up one morning to some intense vibrations. I was no stranger to sleep paralysis and these vibrations, but something about this time was different. Now it was no longer just a weird thing that happened to me at night... it was real. I had been roaming around in the larger reality completely unaware that it just might be real. For whatever reason, this created a great deal of fear. Panicked, I forced the vibrations to stop. I was consumed with this event and trying to figure out these newly realized fears.
Later that day I was driving in my truck feeling totally lost and alone. My world had been flipped upside down, and I had no clue what to do next. How could I be so frightened that I would refuse such an opportunity? I felt ready and yet totally lost and frightened. Suddenly, I got that familiar feeling that some synchronicity was about to occur. My gut told me to grab my iPod. Knowing that it was on shuffle, I hit play. A song came on that I have most likely heard at some point, but had never paid any attention to. While listening to the lyrics a burst of emotion hit me that brought me to tears. Though I did not, I had a desire to get out of the car and yell at the top of my lungs into the open air... a combined cry of joy and frustration. Instead, I just murmured, "Thanks.” Below is the song:
don't forget, don't forget
mhmm
that I believe in you
should you forget
should you forget
let me remind
that I am behind you
you were a secret, waiting to be found out
soon be what everyone is talking about
may you spread your love like laughter
find whatever you're after
open all your windows and let the music spill out
don't forget, don't forget
that I believe in you
should you forget
should you forget
let me remind you
that I am behind
may you dance like rain upon a still lake
you make this world a beautiful place
no more crying, don't shun your light, keep shining
wipe your tears from your sweet face
don't forget, don't forget
that I believe in you
should you forget
should you forget
let me remind you
that I am behind
don't be afraid should things happen to change
'cause change can be a beautiful thing
should things fall apart
be patient like a rainbow
life is loving and letting go
(Brett Dennen - Don't Forget)
Okay, so that explains why Monroe Street is significant. So I looked around as I drove keeping an eye on anything else that might be relevant. Well, it wasn’t obvious at first, but is was certainly related. The area that I was passing through is somewhat of a rough neighborhood. I noted several men dressed in what one might consider stereotypical gang attire. This was of course not that out of the ordinary for the area, but it was fitting for the sudden urge to pay attention. I’ll explain shortly.
About a month after the synchronicity with the song in my truck had occurred, I had began reading My Big Toe by Thomas Campbell. That really flipped my world up side down. I found so much truth in this book. So much of it matched my own understanding and findings. Yet again, various fears rose to the surface. I was excited and ready to soar, and yet again I felt totally lost, unsure, and frightened. Perfect timing for a fear test I suppose.
I have always found shows about prison life and gangs very interesting. At the time, I had been watching the TV series Gangland for some time. Slowly, the thought of mean spirited gangsters started to work their way into my daily life. To make a very long story short, there was a random home invasion robbery in my neighborhood and I found one of the bad guys hiding in my garage with a 9mm. I could not have created a more stereotypical and scary looking gang member. I hardly slept for months after this. The man had stolen $3,000 from another home and had hidden it somewhere in our yard while on the run. Over the next few weeks several suspicious cars drove down our dead end street. They would slow at our house and then zip away. I spent most of my nights like a watchman peering out our front windows... always on guard. Two weeks after finding the man in my garage, one of the detectives informed us that he was making calls from jail telling his gang buddies to go get the money that he had hidden in a corner of our property. Needless to say, this whole event played a huge role in the process of examining my fears.
I think it is highly probable that my unexamined fear of "evil" helped to bring this on. It has helped me grow though, so I would not call it a bad experience. Over the year that followed this event, I have had many dreams and OBEs that appeared to have been related fear tests... opportunities to express my courage and face such matters.
So, back to the original story. So now I had Monroe Street and a hand full of men in traditional street gangster attire. More than just these seemingly small details, I had this amazing surge within me. Something that I cannot explain completely in words. It was as though I was changing inside... like I was experiencing the being level changes that had resulted from the various experiences that had taken place over the last 15 months.
I had recently created a playlist on my iPod... the way the playlist came about is a whole other interesting chain of synchronizations. The playlist was currently playing in my truck as I drove past Monroe Street, past the hoodlums, and with this overwhelming feeling of something. I laughed out loud, I knew exactly what was about to happen. That song that had served as a message of hope so many months ago was about to come on. Now there were only so many songs on my new playlist, and I knew that this song was one of them, but the timing was interesting to say the least. The song came on. My entire existence filled with a surge of joy that I simply cannot explain. It was as if a chapter in my life had closed and I was receiving a small pat on the back to let me know that all was well and that I was exactly where I needed to be. I felt that familiar joyful sadness and saddening joy that seems to accompany such experiences. There are no words to express the feeling accurately. It is a feeling like I have the most beautiful song in the world to sing from the highest mountain, but there is no voice and there is no mountain. The feeling just sits. It just is. It was such an amazing and powerful feeling, and yet the only thing I could do was smile and shed a tear. Amazing.
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