Getting to Know Myself

I have been focusing a bit more on utilizing phasing techniques during meditation to explore consciousness. The results have been interesting. 

Consciousness Exploration Journal

7/25/2012

I intentionally woke up at 5:30am to attempt to do some exploring. I read for a bit and then began meditating at 6:15am. I slipped into a typical dream until around 7:30am.  After waking, I again began to meditate with the hopes of utilizing a phasing technique. I slipped into a deep meditative state easily since my body was already very relaxed. I lost awareness of my physical senses and began to get the typical sensations related to sleep paralysis. Though I was fully aware, my thought process was a bit sluggish and it took some effort to remember what my plan was. After a few moments, I recalled that I had simply wanted to experiment with that state. I began to use the “noticing” technique. This approach involves getting into a deep meditative state (point consciousness, focus 12, etc) and then gently noticing anything that begins to occur (without being attached to it). It is to be a calm and objective observer of the experience. After a short time, I began to feel vibrations and to hear various sounds. Eventually however, I “clicked out” or fell asleep.  

At some point later, I became fully aware and present. I found myself flying low over a street. I was traveling very fast - too fast to take in any details of my surroundings. I got the impression that I was being led to something. I understood that I could stop the process at any time, but otherwise, I should just let things unfold. I passed over a beach and continued out over the ocean. I briefly started to travel in the water, but I did not like the darkness very much, and so came back out. I began flying straight up. The sky was covered with storm clouds. In the clouds, I could see a round pattern of lights. My first thought was that it looked like a UFO. I wondered if I was being led to the lights, which at first had me feeling a bit uneasy. I decided to let go of any fear and just allow the experience to unfold. I zoomed past the location of the lights and was pulled up until the clouds were no longer visible and I was surrounded by a thick darkness. I had the sensation of being very far away - comparable to floating in outer space. What happened next is too foggy to recall.

Later, I became slightly aware of my body laying in bed and could hear my wife getting ready in the bathroom. As I picked up on these morning noises, my body was violently vibrating and I could hear what sounded like a voice trying to get through a radio with poor reception. I mentally sent out a “hello?” To my surprise, I immediately heard a reply back, “hello.” There was so much input going on that I found it difficult to focus on the voice. I was taking in the input from the actual room that I was in - complete with the sounds of my wife getting ready and my dog’s nails tapping along the wood floor. At the same time, I was experiencing intense vibrations. There was an almost unbearable buzzing and shrieking sound coming through with the voice. The more I focused on one element, the more intense that element seemed to become. 

The voice continued to come through, though it was very difficult to make out. However, at one point it came through very clearly. I got the impression that this one thing was important for me to remember. Like many other experiences, the information came through in a chunk - yet at the same time, there was an actual voice. It is not easy to describe. The information that came through was something very close to this: “Get to know your true self.”  

I tried to focus on the voice more, but the experience eventually faded. I have an idea of where to explore next - my “true self.” 

Sleep Paralysis, Fear, and the Voice.

Consciousness Exploration Journal

1/11/12

I woke from a dream and found myself in full sleep paralysis. I was getting slight sensory input from the actual room in which I was sleeping and also from the sleep/dream state. I tried to maintain my composure and relax into the sleep paralysis. I felt a shift and had the very real sensation of being turned onto my side with my feet floating well above where the bed would be. My head seemed to be anchored to the location of my actual head on the pillow. A forceful wind began rushing passed me. My tilted and sideways body began flapping like a flag in a storm. Many of the other typical sensations were present: voices, chatter, buzzing, etc. One of the voices sounded very similar to that of Bob Monroe (as he sounds on the various hemi-sync audio files). I focused on what he was saying, but could only pull out bits and pieces. I eventually could make out something along the lines of, “I will let go and see what happens, even if I might die... even if I might die”. I was a bit surprised and curious about this statement, but at the same time found it very fitting. I tried to remember what task or test I had planned to carry out, but was too distracted by the breadth and intensity of the various sensations.  The sensations of my body in the waking world were still present, but only slightly so. I could hear the nails of my dog’s paws taping across the floor as she approached the side of the bed to be let outside. The sound was distant and muffled though, like a fading memory. A seemingly random question entered my mind: “what lessons should I be learning from this life?” The sensations grew to a violent intensity. My awareness of the waking world quickly faded. I figuratively gritted my teeth and braced for impact. Suddenly, and as clear as if somebody was standing a foot from my ear, I heard a voice say, “aaaahhhhhhhhhhh” as if the voice was doing a comical imitation of somebody riding on a roller coaster. There was such a strong feeling that the sound was directed specifically at me by an outside observer that I began working to stop the experience. Slowly, I was able to wiggle a toe and then a finger and eventually wake up. 

I had a similar experience several weeks ago. I woke up in sleep paralysis and was experiencing the usual sensations. I mustered up some courage and just tried to relax into it. On this occasion, I heard the same voice as in the above experience. However, this particular time it made a silly and almost comical growl (similar to the way that I might growl as I am playing with my kids). It also gave me a bit of a scare and caused me to stop the experience. It is interesting that the voice in both of these experiences sounds like my own. 

Though I have experienced sleep paralysis well over 100 times, the intensity and extent of the various sensations still takes me by surprise. There is no doubt that sleep paralysis can serve as a gateway to the stereotypical out-of-body experience (at least for me). In most every case, when I encourage the sleep paralysis state further, there is, at some point, the clear sensation of detaching from my sleeping body or connecting to a new reality while still maintaining full awareness. The sensation is as real and as crisp as the sensation of sitting in this chair and typing on a keyboard. The experiences that occur after these separations vary. Some have lead to profound and life-changing experiences. In others, I just float up into a thick darkness and am unable to use my mental intent to effect or alter the experience. 

The voice has sent me running away with my tail between my legs twice. I'll see what I can do next time.

Tom Campbell’s discussion of fear in the video below has helped me a great deal in relation to sleep paralysis (you can skip the intro and start the video at 50 seconds). Courage truly is the only effective antidote for fear. It seems that the more I dig and explore who I am, the more fear and ego I dig up. I have let go of the notion that perfection is the goal. The goal, as I see it, is to maintain a steady state of evolution toward love. 

Reflection Test

Consciousness Exploration Journal
May 28th, 2011 4pm

I laid down to listen to William Buhlman’s OBE techniques (portal). I fell asleep during the guided technique and woke up sometime after. I turned on the riverbend dream loop on my iPod and fell back asleep. I woke up a few times after this but did not feel any vibrations or signs of a potential OBE. I decided to not worry about laying in my typical meditation position and instead relax into a more comfortable sleep position. Shortly after that, I woke up to some intense vibrations. Eventually I was able to exit my body.


I was in my bedroom floating toward a large mirror. It was really more like I was being escorted to the mirror. There should have been a set of french doors leading to the back yard, but instead was this very large mirror. I was trying to look at my reflection in the eyes, but was having a difficult time getting my head to turn the correct way. I kept overshooting to one side and then the other. It was as if my reflection was also having a hard time looking at me. Eventually, we made full eye contact. When this happened there was a strange sensation like the eye contact really locked into place. This was accompanied by a slight jolt and buzzing sound. My reflection seemed mostly normal (as normal as one might expect in an OBE or dream). I smiled at myself and noticed that my teeth were broken and discolored. I have experienced this in several dreams in the past so I was not surprised. I tried just knocking and rubbing my teeth out to see if they would go away. One or two fell out, but little else changed. Curious if I could change how they looked, I did a sort of magician-like motion to change them to pearly white. It did not work. Being playful, I started make faces at myself. I got a little carried away and lifted my hands up in the air as if I had claws and began to snarl and make mean faces. The reflection became very exaggerated. The room grew dark and began to take on a red tint. It was straight out of a horror movie. I realized that things were headed down a path that I didn’t care to explore, so I moved away from the mirror.


Shortly after this, I woke up again to more vibrations. This time, I had a very sharp pain in my right side. I was in full sleep paralysis. The vibrations were very intense. I had the sensation that my feet were hanging off the end of the bed. I had the childlike sensation that something might grab at them. My body felt very dense and it was uncomfortable at the various areas that were touching the bed. The pain in my side grew even sharper. I decided to just let it all go and keep working toward getting out of my body. I remember thinking, “Oh no you don’t... I’m not falling for these tricks!”. The buzzing and vibrations grew louder. I could hear a voice singing in my ear and footsteps in the room. I did my best to ignore this and stuck with it. I realized that I should take some action instead of just waiting and gutting it out. I announced that I wanted to be at my bedroom door. I did this twice and did begin to feel some change, but nothing solid. I realized that I should try to go somewhere further away from my body. I decided on the bathroom and called out that I wanted to be in the bathroom. I quickly remembered that the bathroom had two large mirrors and I didn’t want to inadvertently pick up where I had left off with my previous reflection. Eventually, I decided to just sit up out of my body.

Everything was totally black, but I had the sensation that I was standing in my room. I tried to "open my eyes", but no luck. I tried to rub them with my hands, but that didn’t work either. I decided to breath very deep and slowly; with each exhale, I tried to breath vision into the scene. It did not exactly work but it did create some interesting color effects. I eventually decided to move to the kitchen to regroup. I don’t remember actually moving to the kitchen, but I had a strange overhead visual like I was tracking the way down the hall and into the kitchen. There were people working in my house. I didn’t actually see them, I was just aware of their presence. The people were cleaning up something. I believe they were vacuuming up water or debris of some sort.

In the kitchen I did not really have any vision. It was more like having a perception of the kitchen. It was like I was standing in the kitchen with my eyes closed and visualizing what the kitchen should look like. Finally, I felt established and clear enough to try my intent. I said to myself, “I want to visit my friend C.W.” Nothing seemed to happen, so I repeated it several times. As I was doing this, it crossed my mind that I might still have the scary appearance left over from the mirror event. I did not want to accidentally scare my friend, so I did not try and maintain the state and just experienced it slowly fading until I woke up in bed. 

I'm not exactly sure what to make of the experience with the mirror. The only thing that comes to mind at the moment is that I must remember to keep my thoughts in check and to maintain some clarity and focus.