Friday, November 11, 2011

The Consoling, Concrete Cherub

Consciousness Exploration Journal

I was looking at a familiar pool and noticed that the water in the hot tub section was very cloudy. I went closer to investigate. The abnormal shape of the hot tub caused me to  immediately recognized that I was dreaming. Out of habit, I did a “reality check” by attempting to push my finger through the palm of my opposing hand. I realized that it was not necessary to do this since I was already fully aware that I was dreaming, but I decided to try it anyway. Strangely, it did not work. I began pressing very hard until the back of my hand began to bulge (similar to pushing a finger into Play-Doh). As I focused on this, I began to feel the familiar buzzing and vibrating sensations. I sensed a distinct shift. The simplest way to express this shift it is that I and the experience itself began to feel much more crisp and real. I began floating upward while the dream scape slowly vanished. As before when this has happened I had a definite sensation that I was “going” somewhere new. Many times in the past, this shift has been so amazing and real that my excitement has snapped me right out of the experience. This time I tried to remain calm and just go with it. 

I suddenly found myself in a different outdoor pool area. This one was much larger and was full of various garden type sculptures (cherub fountains, animal shaped bushes, etc). I remembered my intent to communicate with somebody in this state. I looked around at the various sculptures and began to get the feeling that I was to choose one of them. The sculptures tended to change and morph as I looked at them. It seemed as though a given sculpture would change based on what I was thinking it might represent (similar to creating and finding shapes in cloud formations). As I proceeded, I began to get a familiar sensation of deep sadness. I have felt this before in other similar experiences. It is very difficult to describe. I suppose it could be comparable to crying in waking life, though that does not do it any justice. It is just an immense purge of sadness. It is in some ways comparable to being a child and crying to your parent about something deeply sad. Not a child’s cry about a dropped ice cream, but a cry because his sibling is dying of cancer - a deep and necessary release of sadness. This sensation took over the experience. I have no other words to explain it other than I felt like I was being soothed. I was standing at a concrete fountain-sculpture of a cherub. I had the idea that the sculpture was a source of information of sorts. I began carrying on to the sculpture about how hard it (life) was and how I deeply wanted to grow and become better in every way that I could - a better father, a better husband, brother, friend, etc. The view of my life from that state seemed analogous to an olympic runner trying to run a race in 2 feet of mud. As with other interactions in these states I began to receive data that I had to interpret (again something that is difficult to explain). It was a seemingly larger amount of information and I tried very hard to sort though it all in my head. I was concerned that I would not be able to remember it all when I woke up. Much of it was not even words, but instead general concepts and feelings. I tried my best to summarize it all so that I would remember. 

The summery of the data was something like: “you are doing quite well - working hard to grow. Everything is as it should be. The experience of hardship and struggle is necessary and will help you grow further.” The general idea was that running the race in 2 feet of mud is exactly what I should be doing - it is the point. It was all very consoling and frankly rewarding. It felt very much like a encouraging pat on the back. 

The question will likely always remain: Is the data during such communications from my subconscious or perhaps some outside source? The one thing that I can say with a great deal of certainty is that the experience of trying to become better - more loving - has always led to long-term positive results. On the other hand, fear, greed, selfishness, etc tend to lead to long-term negative results. This is something that we can see by observing those around us as well. Compare a figure like Gandhi to a gangster in prison. As we move toward love and let go of pieces of ego and fear, a natural increase in understanding and awareness occurs. When we are led by ego and fear, a natural decrease or limitation in understanding and awareness occurs. The question of is it real becomes a mute point in this case. The key question becomes: is the information and experience useful - will it help me continue to grow toward being more loving, more selfless, more humble? It is that continual evolution toward love that improves our understanding and view of what those other answers might be.