Thursday, March 20, 2014

Consciousness Exploration Journal
3/20/2014

I suddenly became lucid. I had no recollection of any dream occurring before becoming lucid. I just suddenly became fully aware. D.Y. was with me. I looked at him and said, “this is a dream.” I repeated it a few times. Finally, he said something to the effect of, “yea, well, we’ll have to see about that one.”

Later, in another dream, I was in the bedroom of our old town home. I came out of the dark bedroom and instantly became lucid. There was a pretty woman just outside the door. She appeared to know that I was becoming lucid - she seemed to be “in on it” in some way. I walked by her and on down the stairs to the lower level. M.D., A.Y., and some others were down stairs. We were waiting for S.H. to arrive so we could celebrate her birthday. At several points, I felt myself loosing the experience and had to focus my attention on various items in the room to keep my awareness there. It seemed to help. At one point, I had a seemingly random thought that there was a “devil” upstairs in the bedroom. I also remembered that the pretty lady was up there. I was surprised by the seemingly random way that this thought popped into my head. I opted to simply ignore the thought. It seemed to work. Interestingly, the image/thought that I had of the devil creature looked just like the one that I saw as a child at a haunted house. The image of the devil costume stuck in my 4 year old brain. At that time, I remember having to verify with my mom that the devil (costume) was not actually real. 

In another dream, I was finishing a day of snow skiing. N.Y. was going down a very steep slope with me. I was showing her how to get down safely. At the bottom, I met up with the rest of our group. It was a very large group of 20 or so people - all people that I “knew” (in the dream anyway). As we began crossing a large bridge, I became lucid. I mostly kept the lucidity to myself and just followed along with the group over the bridge. I remember somebody smoking cloves and enjoying the smell. 

Sometime after the above dream, I woke up to blackness. I easily moved into a sleep paralysis state. Sleep paralysis was mild with only small bits of voices, sounds, and buzzing. There was a flashing blue light to the upper left of my vision - that was new. I eventually “left” my body and floated around in the darkness for a long time. I didn’t have much control. I do recall flying some short distances from time to time, but mostly, I just drifted. I remember making noises for some reason and realizing that I was probably also actually making them in my sleep. I can’t recall all that occurred in the darkness. It seemed to last for a fair amount of time. I do recall at a few points being somewhat uneasy and wondering if I should be frightened. Being tired of such thoughts during these experiences, I clearly expressed that I was not stopping. I was sticking with the experience no matter what happened. I paused at one point to send out a very strong “signal” of gratitude. I didn’t have any real sense of having a body or form, but I had the clear idea or concept of folding my hands together and getting on my knees. In a very powerful and booming voice, I sent out, “thank you for all that you have giving me.” It felt very strong and clear. The powerfulness of the voice was surprisingly foreign to me, but it was mine. I repeated the signal several times. Then, with the same approach, I sent out a request to receive guidance. I was not specific; it was just a general request. I suppose I meant guidance in my life in general and in relation to these experiences. In hindsight, I could have been more specific. For whatever reason, it feels like there is a clear connection in these void states with whatever it is that is “out” that there… God, source, the system, all-that-is, etc.

Sometime later, I had a dream in which I was sitting with A.Y., D.Y., S.H., etc and telling them about the lucid dreams above. I wanted to see if D.Y. remembered me trying to convince him that he was dreaming in the first dream. I didn’t get to finish finding out - or at least I don’t remember. 

I eventually woke up feeling somewhat exhausted. I rolled onto my side to signify that I was done playing for the night and slipped into a deep sleep. It is interesting that I became lucid in the town home dream as I walk from a dark room, through a doorway, and into the dream setting. In the dream involving skiing, I became lucid while crossing the bridge. Both could be considered metaphors for entering into a new realm or state of awareness. Always interesting. 

Friday, January 31, 2014

"Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann

"Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann


"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Mirror, Mirror...

Consciousness Exploration Journal
1/9/2014

I woke up to sleep paralysis. I relaxed into the sensations and eventually sat up and out of my body. My chickens were in the house. I picked one of them up to interact with her. She latched onto my finger with her beak and would not let go. I remained calm and ignored the slight discomfort. I had the impression that I had caused the bite - as if even the slightest underlying hint of the thought “what if the chicken bites me” somehow brought the situation into existence. I eventually set the chicken down. Wanting to investigate the experience more, I began to analyze the structure of my hands. Luminous, light blue lines created geometric patterns all over the surface of my skin. It struck me at the moment that the designs on the skin would make for an interesting element in a painting. After studying my hands for a bit, I decided to move on to something else. Just as I began considering what to do next, I was pulled by some invisible force back to my bedroom. I arrived at the doorway and saw my reflection in the mirror on the opposite wall. In the reflection I saw two men. One man was primarily in silhouette. The most notable feature was his glowing blue eyes (the same luminous blue that I had seen on my hands). The man behind him was much larger. His skin was dark and his hair was in dreadlocks. Though the two men looked nothing like me, I still had the clear sense that they were “me.” As I looked at the reflection of the two men, it felt natural somehow that they were my reflection. It was a very interesting sensation. I was eventually pulled back to my body.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

The General and The Monk

I'm not sure of the origin or accuracy, but I have always loved this tale:

In ancient times there was a conquering army going through villages wreaking havoc and mayhem. The soldiers killed indiscriminately and were especially harsh on the monks, taking special care to humiliate and torture them, before killing them. When the army arrived in a town the general asked for a report. His subordinate replied, “The population is subdued and terrified!” This gave the general some satisfaction. Then the subordinate continued, “In the local monastery all monks have fled, except one.”
Hearing this, the general became furious. He rushed to the monastery to meet the monk who dared defy him. When he saw the monk he pulled his sword out and pushed it towards his stomach and hissed in a low but terrifying voice, “Don’t you know who I am? Why, I could take this sword and run it through your belly without blinking my eye!”
The monk was not fazed, he replied gently, “And don’t you know who I am? I could have your sword run through my belly without blinking an eye.”
The general was awestruck. He sheathed his sword, bowed, and left without uttering another word.


Monday, June 17, 2013

False Awakening

Consciousness Exploration Journal
6/17/2013

I was having and extensive dream about being in Joshua Tree. The dream ended, and I woke up to vibrations. I encouraged the vibrations until I was eventually able to get up "out" of my body. My bedroom was much different than normal. I walked over to a large mirror that was along one wall. I started to get lost in the vastness of the reflection, so I moved away from the mirror and decided to attempt to observe some data that I could verify later. I began to head out of the bedroom, but as I began to turn the door handle, I found myself back in bed with vibrations. Knowing that it would be a distraction later, I opted to get up and use the restroom before trying to explore more. While in the bathroom, it struck me that I should do a reality check to make sure that I was actually awake. I quickly realized that I was not actually in the bathroom, and found myself again in bed with vibrations. I was able to determine that I was partly awake in my actual room. I encouraged the vibrations and began to get the sensations of sleep paralysis. They slowly increased. I normally experience sleep paralysis on my back, but this time I was laying on my side and slightly curled up. I felt some pain with the vibrations - especially around my ribs. It was not overly uncomfortable, and I recognized that it was just an aspect of the sleep paralysis. I tried to ignore the discomfort and focus in of the various noises that were slowly building in the distance. The distraction of still needing to use the restroom was too great, so I stopped the state and got out of bed.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

A Taste of Everything

Consciousness Exploration Journal
6/12/2013


I woke up at 5:15am to meditate. I was in and out of various hypnogogic blips the whole time. I was struggling too much to maintain my awareness, so I took off the headphones and just let myself drift off. I repeated, "now I am out of body" as I fell asleep. At some point later, I suddenly became fully aware. I had the impression that "I" had just asked the question, "who am I." The answer that I was getting back was something like, "you are everything." I briefly found myself engulfed in what I might describe as white fuzz - it was a feeling of being a very powerful and active energy. The feeling was amazing and exhilarating, but at the same time, overwhelming. After only experiencing this briefly, I heard a yell as if somebody was falling off a cliff. The voice sounded like my own - and one that I have heard during sleep paralysis. The experience quickly ended after that. I am trying not to make any assumptions about the experience - I can only say that it felt very, very good. It seems likely that "I" was frightened by the sensation of loosing my identity (the yelling voice). Hard to say. I tried to settle into the experience again, but eventually drifted back to sleep. 

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Consciousness Art - "Data Streams"

This painting deals with my experiences in shifting between normal, waking reality and the out-of-body state. Words don't always do much justice to the process. The title Data Streams comes from the idea that this process of transition feels very much like receiving multiple streams of input at the same time - until a complete transition is made in either direction. It has been overwhelming at times, but the experiences that follow are always worthwhile. At any rate, it feels something like this:


Data Stream
Oil on Canvas
30" X 48"