Rocky Mountain Flying

Consciousness Exploration Journal

2/20/12

I woke up in sleep paralysis. The sensations were mild, but I did hear some distant voices and felt slight vibrations. I didn’t pay much attention to any of it and just waited. I had the clear sensation of detaching from my body and floating upward. Having experienced this many times before, I just relaxed and waited. I began to get the usual disorienting sensations of spinning and rolling in the air. Though it was completely dark, I began to get the sense that I was floating toward the ceiling of some very large room. I had the thought that I could project something on the wall if I wanted. I realized that seeing the stars of the night’s sky would be a nice general technique to maintain the floating sensation. I intuitively knew at this point that I had control and could go about my way exploring. This is interesting because there is a clear and distinct difference in the way that the experience feels when this feeling of control occurs. Things begin to feel very natural and very vivid. Any fear or anxious anticipation fades. The best way to describe it is that I feel as though I am a more functional, aware, open, and able version of me (as if some of the limitations are not present). Another way to describe it is that I feel fresh and new like a bubbly and curious child. 

Having good control, I began to fly across the room. I could now see a set of giant doors that led outside. As I flew toward them with the intent to go beyond them, one of them opened for me. It is difficult to say if I willed it to open or if I simply knew it would open. Outside, the scenery was extremely crisp, vivid, and full of life. The surroundings reminded me of the various old mining towns in Colorado. There was a road in front of me. Cars leisurely traveled by in both directions. I had the notion that I could go right or left, but that either choice would lead to a different experience. I chose left and flew down the road passing over the various cars underneath. I set my intent to talk to the lady from the kitchen conversation. I began scanning the various drivers and pedestrians to see if anybody looked familiar. No luck. I waited for some sign or hint of where to go. A green car pulled off the road below me. I intuitively decided to pass it by. Perhaps a missed opportunity, but it seemed suspicious somehow. I continued flying down the road. It began to zig zag through the mountains and into a small town. I analyzed the various trees and buildings and became quite giddy at just how amazingly real it all felt. I had the sense that my giddiness could spiral out of control, so I gathered myself and continued on into the town. I came to what looked like a diner of sorts. It was very busy and was apparently the hang out for the locals. I flew lower to land on the street. One man noticed me and seemed to be very surprised to see somebody flying through the air. Nobody else at the diner seemed to notice or care. At this point, I had a light sensation that some small being or person was tagging along with me. Almost like a small child or dog. I caught myself saying things to this little presence out loud so that it knew what the plan was. I did not see anybody familiar at the diner so I decided to go into the neighboring building to look around. I eventually found a room that, for whatever reason, seemed like the place that I was suppose to wait. The room was laid out like a children’s waiting room - with a few small chairs and some toys and books. I began to sit down and wait, but realized that the chairs were far too small for me. Eventually I shrunk down... or in some other way fit into a chair. The moment that I set back and relaxed, the experience began to fade. Eventually I opened my eyes and grabbed my journal. 

Considering past experiences, it seems that when I stop fully engaging the experience, it fades. This would explain the various techniques that I have read about to maintain lucid dreams and out-of-body experiences such as rubbing your hands together or spinning. It may simply be a matter of maintaining one’s focus on events and elements within the experience. So, similar to drifting off into a daydream in waking life and essentially becoming unaware of the world around us, loosing focus (such as relaxing in a chair) in these other experiences might cause the reality of the experience to fade. 

Morning OBE

Consciousness Exploration Journal

2/5/12

I woke up at 6am to let the dog out. I laid in bed until 7am trying to go back to sleep. I set my intent to have a lucid dream/ OBE. I slowly drifted off and became aware in sleep paralysis. The typical sensations were present. At first, I heard a male’s voice saying something in my ear. I also heard the growling voice again. I didn’t fall for it this time though. I sat up out of my body, but could not seem to fully detach. I gave up and settled back into sleep paralysis. The sensations were slightly more intense this time. I resolved to stay with it no matter what. I set my intent to see or converse with the lady from the kitchen experience. I began to hear what sounded like a faint female voice. I had the impression that somebody was holding me and singing or humming to me (like a mother would hold a baby). For some reason, I began to get an intense dull pain in my lower back. I tried to ignore it and continued to focus on trying to converse with the woman again. As usual, it was completely dark as if my eyes were shut. This has never made any sense to me - why it is always completely dark. I normally have both auditory and tactile sensations, but never any visual. I realized that I was intentionally closing my eyes to avoid causing myself to wake up. It struck me that I should try to visualize something to kick in my “astral” vision. I started trying to picture a blender (random, I know). It worked. For a few seconds I found myself standing in a room. At the same time, I had started to open up my physical eyes and could see a blurry vision of the bedroom ceiling. I closed them and tried the visualization trick again. I gently tried to visualize the mystery room again. It worked. Suddenly, I was standing in my bathroom (astral bathroom). Everything was crystal clear. I was quite excited and ran around the house in celebration. When I came into the living room, I saw a mirror (one that is not normally there). I stopped running and stood in front of it. In it was a clear reflection of myself. I celebrated briefly at being in such a clear experience. I gathered myself, and thought about what task or test I wanted to perform. The first thing that came to my mind was that I should send some love and happiness to my wife and kids. Then, I realized that I should go to each of the rooms and do it in person. I went to my daughter’s room first. She was lying at the bottom of the bed and partly hanging off. I slid her up so that she was fully on the bed again. She slightly opened her eyes and acknowledged me with a smile. I started wondering if she might be dreaming about me at that moment, or maybe just thinking of me. I thought about this for sometime. The experience began to fade and I woke up and wrote it down. 

It would appear that I passed the growling fear test this time. I regret not spending some time at the mirror. The fact that it was aimed so that I would run into it makes me wonder if there was some relevance or importance to it. 

Dream Interviews, and a Resurrection

Consciousness Exploration Journal

1/25/12

I was riding in an elevator that was headed to a loft apartment. I stepped off the elevator and entered a large kitchen. Some sort of casual dinner party was at the cusp of beginning. As I walked into the scene, I inexplicably became fully lucid. I approached a  tall man in his 50’s to strike up a conversation. I kept trying to get his attention, but each time that I tried to address him face-to-face his head would turn so that I could only see the back of his head. He also appeared to be very busy, so I eventually gave up and moved on to another person. 

I noticed a small group of people engaged in what appeared to be an interesting conversation. I eventually worked my way into the group and found an opportunity to ask one of the men what he thought about the process of dreaming. He seemed to become very confused by the question, as if he had only ever considered the topic in passing. He tried very hard to formulate a coherent response, but seemed to become more and more disoriented as a result. I eventually got the impression that he didn’t think too much about dreaming and didn’t find it to be all that special. 

I moved on to a woman in the same group. I asked her what she thought about the process of dreaming. Her response turned into an mild argument with the previous man. Apparently she found dreams to be quite relevant while he did not. They countered back and forth like a couple going through the motions of a disagreement that has been played out many times before. I lost her attention and so decided to move on.

As I scanned the room, I noticed that an elevator was arriving. Inside was a family of 5. The mother was lying on the floor and was unresponsive. Her three young girls were circled around her. The father was slumped into the corner with his chin to his chest apparently mourning the loss of his wife. The scene was reminiscent of a narrative painting from the Italian Renaissance. As I watched the scene, one of the little girls said, “poor mommy.” I lightheartedly thought to myself (or perhaps it was out loud), “not to worry. This is my dream. I will bring her back to life.” I walked over to the woman and raised my hand over her body to signify my intention. The woman slowly came around and while somewhat still disoriented said, “I must have fallen asleep.” In almost comical fashion, the husband and children were instantly back to normal. They shuffled off to join the party, leaving the mother alone in the elevator. The woman casually thanked me. I explained that she could return the favor by letting me ask her a few questions. She become very flirtatious at this, as if she had misunderstood my request. I redirected her to my question, “what do you think about the process of dreaming?” As she started to answer, I suddenly found myself soaring over a larger body of water and toward a bridge. I felt very much like a bird gliding through the air. The new scene and the various sensations were very crisp and vivid. The woman’s voice boomed across the sky. The words were clear and strong, yet I couldn’t comprehend what she was saying. I had a hunch that the dream was about to end. I decided to wake myself up before slipping back into unawareness and forgetting the vividness of the experience. 

I regret not having asked a more meaningful question.

Sleep Paralysis, Fear, and the Voice.

Consciousness Exploration Journal

1/11/12

I woke from a dream and found myself in full sleep paralysis. I was getting slight sensory input from the actual room in which I was sleeping and also from the sleep/dream state. I tried to maintain my composure and relax into the sleep paralysis. I felt a shift and had the very real sensation of being turned onto my side with my feet floating well above where the bed would be. My head seemed to be anchored to the location of my actual head on the pillow. A forceful wind began rushing passed me. My tilted and sideways body began flapping like a flag in a storm. Many of the other typical sensations were present: voices, chatter, buzzing, etc. One of the voices sounded very similar to that of Bob Monroe (as he sounds on the various hemi-sync audio files). I focused on what he was saying, but could only pull out bits and pieces. I eventually could make out something along the lines of, “I will let go and see what happens, even if I might die... even if I might die”. I was a bit surprised and curious about this statement, but at the same time found it very fitting. I tried to remember what task or test I had planned to carry out, but was too distracted by the breadth and intensity of the various sensations.  The sensations of my body in the waking world were still present, but only slightly so. I could hear the nails of my dog’s paws taping across the floor as she approached the side of the bed to be let outside. The sound was distant and muffled though, like a fading memory. A seemingly random question entered my mind: “what lessons should I be learning from this life?” The sensations grew to a violent intensity. My awareness of the waking world quickly faded. I figuratively gritted my teeth and braced for impact. Suddenly, and as clear as if somebody was standing a foot from my ear, I heard a voice say, “aaaahhhhhhhhhhh” as if the voice was doing a comical imitation of somebody riding on a roller coaster. There was such a strong feeling that the sound was directed specifically at me by an outside observer that I began working to stop the experience. Slowly, I was able to wiggle a toe and then a finger and eventually wake up. 

I had a similar experience several weeks ago. I woke up in sleep paralysis and was experiencing the usual sensations. I mustered up some courage and just tried to relax into it. On this occasion, I heard the same voice as in the above experience. However, this particular time it made a silly and almost comical growl (similar to the way that I might growl as I am playing with my kids). It also gave me a bit of a scare and caused me to stop the experience. It is interesting that the voice in both of these experiences sounds like my own. 

Though I have experienced sleep paralysis well over 100 times, the intensity and extent of the various sensations still takes me by surprise. There is no doubt that sleep paralysis can serve as a gateway to the stereotypical out-of-body experience (at least for me). In most every case, when I encourage the sleep paralysis state further, there is, at some point, the clear sensation of detaching from my sleeping body or connecting to a new reality while still maintaining full awareness. The sensation is as real and as crisp as the sensation of sitting in this chair and typing on a keyboard. The experiences that occur after these separations vary. Some have lead to profound and life-changing experiences. In others, I just float up into a thick darkness and am unable to use my mental intent to effect or alter the experience. 

The voice has sent me running away with my tail between my legs twice. I'll see what I can do next time.

Tom Campbell’s discussion of fear in the video below has helped me a great deal in relation to sleep paralysis (you can skip the intro and start the video at 50 seconds). Courage truly is the only effective antidote for fear. It seems that the more I dig and explore who I am, the more fear and ego I dig up. I have let go of the notion that perfection is the goal. The goal, as I see it, is to maintain a steady state of evolution toward love. 

The Consoling, Concrete Cherub

Consciousness Exploration Journal

11/11/11

I was looking at a familiar pool and noticed that the water in the hot tub section was very cloudy. I went closer to investigate. The abnormal shape of the hot tub caused me to  immediately recognized that I was dreaming. Out of habit, I did a “reality check” by attempting to push my finger through the palm of my opposing hand. I realized that it was not necessary to do this since I was already fully aware that I was dreaming, but I decided to try it anyway. Strangely, it did not work. I began pressing very hard until the back of my hand began to bulge (similar to pushing a finger into Play-Doh). As I focused on this, I began to feel the familiar buzzing and vibrating sensations. I sensed a distinct shift. The simplest way to express this shift it is that I and the experience itself began to feel much more crisp and real. I began floating upward while the dream scape slowly vanished. As before when this has happened I had a definite sensation that I was “going” somewhere new. Many times in the past, this shift has been so amazing and real that my excitement has snapped me right out of the experience. This time I tried to remain calm and just go with it. 

I suddenly found myself in a different outdoor pool area. This one was much larger and was full of various garden type sculptures (cherub fountains, animal shaped bushes, etc). I remembered my intent to communicate with somebody in this state. I looked around at the various sculptures and began to get the feeling that I was to choose one of them. The sculptures tended to change and morph as I looked at them. It seemed as though a given sculpture would change based on what I was thinking it might represent (similar to creating and finding shapes in cloud formations). As I proceeded, I began to get a familiar sensation of deep sadness. I have felt this before in other similar experiences. It is very difficult to describe. I suppose it could be comparable to crying in waking life, though that does not do it any justice. It is just an immense purge of sadness. It is in some ways comparable to being a child and crying to your parent about something deeply sad. Not a child’s cry about a dropped ice cream, but a cry because his sibling is dying of cancer - a deep and necessary release of sadness. This sensation took over the experience. I have no other words to explain it other than I felt like I was being soothed. I was standing at a concrete fountain-sculpture of a cherub. I had the idea that the sculpture was a source of information of sorts. I began carrying on to the sculpture about how hard it (life) was and how I deeply wanted to grow and become better in every way that I could - a better father, a better husband, brother, friend, etc. The view of my life from that state seemed analogous to an olympic runner trying to run a race in 2 feet of mud. As with other interactions in these states I began to receive data that I had to interpret (again something that is difficult to explain). It was a seemingly larger amount of information and I tried very hard to sort though it all in my head. I was concerned that I would not be able to remember it all when I woke up. Much of it was not even words, but instead general concepts and feelings. I tried my best to summarize it all so that I would remember. 

The summery of the data was something like: “you are doing quite well - working hard to grow. Everything is as it should be. The experience of hardship and struggle is necessary and will help you grow further.” The general idea was that running the race in 2 feet of mud is exactly what I should be doing - it is the point. It was all very consoling and frankly rewarding. It felt very much like a encouraging pat on the back. 

The question will likely always remain: Is the data during such communications from my subconscious or perhaps some outside source? The one thing that I can say with a great deal of certainty is that the experience of trying to become better - more loving - has always led to long-term positive results. On the other hand, fear, greed, selfishness, etc tend to lead to long-term negative results. This is something that we can see by observing those around us as well. Compare a figure like Gandhi to a gangster in prison. As we move toward love and let go of pieces of ego and fear, a natural increase in understanding and awareness occurs. When we are led by ego and fear, a natural decrease or limitation in understanding and awareness occurs. The question of is it real becomes a mute point in this case. The key question becomes: is the information and experience useful - will it help me continue to grow toward being more loving, more selfless, more humble? It is that continual evolution toward love that improves our understanding and view of what those other answers might be.

Hardship and Love

Consciousness Exploration Journal
10/8/11

I was walking along a four-lane highway in the country. Suddenly two giant “conex” style storage boxes were on the highway and slowly sliding toward me. They were enormous and took up all lanes and shoulders. The whole situation seemed very odd and I immediately realized that I was dreaming. I was excited but I reminded myself to stay calm. It took a bit of effort, but I was able to remember my intent (though I was off on the wording a bit), “I want to talk to somebody.” I tried to rescue the request, “ ... interact with somebody ... that is friendly.” Close enough. I was totally alone on the highway with the boxes in front of me. I waited a bit, but nothing happened. I decided to state a question out loud, “what do these boxes represent?” The answer came quick, though not out loud. It seemed to come to me as data to which I assigned my own words. The message did come through very clearly though, “they represent hardship and love.” I wasn’t expecting such a deep answer. I pondered this for a bit and then decided to ask a second question, “why are they so big?” Unfortunately, I cannot recall what happened next. I vaguely remember asking more questions until eventually the answers stopped coming. Though I don't recall all that took place after this or the other responses, I do remember a very bizarre sensation that occurred during the communication. It was as though I had to open and quiet my mind to allow the communication to come through. I remember being surprised that I knew to do this and that it came so naturally. Eventually, I lost lucidity and at some point the dream shifted to being a night scene in a quite area of a town. The two giant boxes had transformed into old camper trailers. One trailer was being delivered to my dad/father-in-law (the character seemed to switch between the two of them in the dream) and the other was to be delivered somewhere else. 

One success of this event is that I was able to instigate the lucid dream by focusing my intent over the last 5 or 6 days. Another key success is that I was also able to quickly recall my desire to interact with a "being" or character in the dream. More important than both of those results though is the response itself. I was not expecting such a profound reply. The fact that it was unexpected forces me to consider the origin the message. Who or what did it come from? It could of course have bubbled up from some level of my subconscious. Or perhaps it came from something or someone outside of myself. To remain both open-minded and skeptical, all possibilities must be considered. The best I can do is to gather more evidence and eventually form a probable truth.

Character Test

Though I continue to have lucid dreams, sleep paralysis, and out-of-body experiences from time to time, I have reached a point where I find myself driven to step things up a bit. There have been short spells in the past in which I have conducted various tests or experiments within these states. The findings have always been eye opening to say the least. It is time again for some more serious exploring. I have recently started my MFA program (specifically in figurative, representational, oil painting). My tentative thesis and body of work are directly related to my explorations in consciousness and to my resultant findings. At any rate, it seems to be a perfect time for some more focused adventures.

Before discussing the first set of tests, I should explain something to prevent confusion. I have read my fair share of lucid dream and out-of-body related literature. Something that I have come to realize over the years through these readings and through my own experiences is that there are no solid distinctions between lucid dreams and out-of-body experiences. Much of the lucid dream literature is essentially describing out-of-body experiences and much of the out-of-body literature is describing lucid dreams. They are, as far as I am currently concerned, one in the same. The labels themselves and the expectations of the person in question seem to be the key factors that create any notable difference. So, I will frequently use the terms interchangeably or together as “lucid dream/OBE”.

The first set of tests will focus completely on communicating with the characters, beings, people, etc that I encounter in these other states. Over the last few years, I have begun to more seriously consider the notion that some of these characters are in fact sentient and aware beings separate from my own consciousness. Because the potential exists that these various characters/beings may be “real” to some degree or another (outside of my subconsciousness or imagination), I (to the best of my ability) will continue to interact in a respectful manner during all encounters.

The first challenge of course is to instigate the lucid dream/OBE experiences. My basic approach is a mixture of the various techniques that I have found success with over the years. The real secret to instigating these states, as far as my experience goes, is to think about the subject frequently (almost obsessively) and to get plenty of rest. There are other aspects that help as well, but the two noted above are the bulk of the process.

The basic phrasing of my intent for these tests will be: “I wish to interact with a friendly being.” Anytime that I find myself in a lucid dream or OBE, I will clearly express this intent. The word “being” in this case is referring any character, being, person, etc in the experience regardless of their origin (from me or from outside of me). I’m honestly not seeking to answer if they are “real” or not. What I am really seeking are the experiences that follow the question. The best I can do is to form a probable truth based on those experiences and move on from there (all the while expecting that I will have to set that probable truth down at some point and replace it with another one... and so on). Such is the process of growth.