Believe Nothing?

One of the realizations that occurred while reading My Big Toe by Thomas Campbell was the notion of having probable truths instead of beliefs. Perhaps it might be useful for others as well.

Book 1 of the My Big Toe trilogy helps to clarify the idea that beliefs are limiting and are functions of the ego as a means to coddle our fears. We choose to believe something or have faith that something is true, so that we can ignore the other (not so warm and fuzzy) possibilities. We might also choose to believe or have faith that something is true as a means to deal with our fear and anxiety toward the uncertain nature of our existence. A quick history of the various religions, societies, and cultures is an excellent clue as to just how common and vast this process is. Okay, so I got it: belief and faith are limiting and not so good in terms of growth and understanding of Big Truth.

So the dilemma then of course was: how does one move forward while not believing or having faith in anything? Much of My Big Toe resonated with me. However, to move forward in any way, it seemed like I had to have faith that there was some truth to it or believe that it was true (at least to some degree). It seemed as though I was just falling into another belief trap. So my first thought at that time was: "okay, I just need to go find some proof." I very quickly realized that amongst such vast uncertainty, there is little actual “proof” to be found. Any evidence found along the way had too many gaps that would have to be filled in with belief and faith. Echoing Descartes, the only thing that I could really say was true with a great deal of certainty was that I exist... I can think and experience.

At that point, I had very little to work with: I exist, belief is limiting, and I was surrounded by a great deal of uncertainty. Well, this stopped me in my tracks. How could I move forward with this? The solution it turns out was both simple and eye opening. It is all of course plainly stated in My Big Toe. It just goes to show that one must actually experience something to fully "get it".

Part of the realization was that beliefs are limiting because they omit the existence of other possibilities. A belief does not allow itself to be wrong. A belief says that everything else is wrong except for itself. Ask somebody with very strong religious beliefs what some of the alternative possibilities are in terms of their existence. This is a very scary notion to somebody with strong beliefs and rightfully so (so don’t actually do it). Imagine taking everything that you thought was true and suddenly having it threatened to be ripped apart. It's not a good feeling. This sheds some light on religious wars no doubt.

So, I considered my own beliefs. I had over 15 years or so nailed them down to three basic ideas: 1. There is something “out there” beyond myself that is inherently "good" 2. The purpose of life is to learn how to love (grow toward love, etc) 3. Nothing else really matters all that much. I was lucky that my beliefs were fairly simple. So in considering these things, I realized that I could not really say with 100% certainty that they were true or accurate. So what if they were completely wrong? Well, I may just turn to dust and the universe will continue on. I could find that I am part of some sick alien experiment. I may realize that I should have been baptized years ago because now I can't get into heaven. Maybe I am laying in a computer matrix somewhere and this is all just a very vivid illusion. You get the idea. Are these considerations any more far fetched than the various religious and cultural beliefs that have existed throughout history?

Okay fine, so now what? How do we move forward? Letting go of everything we believe about our existence is like turning out all the lights and then trying to decide where to go. At some point it hit me: I can move forward based on the idea that something or some idea might be true so long as I am willing to face and accept that it could be wrong. Aha! So this is how that “open-minded skepticism” thing that Tom Campbell keeps talking about works. I can say that I hold the probable truth that I am here to grow toward love, but I must be willing to consider and fully accept that I may be confused or completely wrong. In this way open-minded skepticism is not just about a scientific approach. It is also very much about having a great deal of humility and courage. So I might say, "I am a limited being with a limited understanding, but I choose to move forward based on what I currently find to be most probable. I realize that my current probable truths may be wrong, but I move forward with courage in spite of this uncertainty. My path is one of growth and understanding, and I will look honestly at whatever I may come across along the way." This made the idea of having a "spiritual warrior’s" attitude make a great deal more sense. The battle at hand is with self.

So in the end, my realization was this:
I can move forward based on what I currently hold as my probable truths. For something to function as a probable truth and not a belief, I must fully consider the fact that it may be completely wrong. I must be able to look those other (often not so pretty) possibilities in the eye, accept them, set them down, and move on. I must accept my limitations and move forward with what I have. This approach requires a great deal of humility and courage. The goal is not to cover up or get rid of the uncertain nature of our existence. We have to accept uncertainty. It will likely always be there. The best we can do is to keep moving forward with our current probable truths. Those probable truths of course must be held lightly. As our understanding increases, we will likely have to set them down and replace them with new (and temporary) probable truths. This, as Robert Bruce recently said in a discussion with Tom Campbell is to “remain in the question.” If I ever come to a point where I feel like the question is fully answered, then either I am stuck in a belief trap or I am all knowing... and I’m pretty sure I know which one is more likely. (rhymes with “relief snack”).

Of course, all of this must also be held lightly and as a temporary probable truth :)

Only Consciousness is Fundamental – aha!

I have had a good number of lucid dreams and out of body experiences over the last 20 years. These experiences have varied. Some short, some long, some dull, some amazing, etc. I realized something though about a month ago. I had never stopped during any of these experiences to test the realness of it. Sure, they have been very vivid and amazing, but I had never stopped inside of a lucid dream and pondered or tested just how real it was. So, I set my intent to perform a realness test during my next experiences. Fortunately, I had a span of three in one week to do this.

I will spare the details of the full dreams for the sake of time.

In the first experience, I was (at the time) following around an Asian man. He kept leading me through tunnels and stairwells. I was trying to get him to tell me what he was going to show me or tell me, but he just grinned and kept motioning me to follow him. I remembered my intent of testing the realness of the dream. I stopped in one of the hallways that I was in. There was a random piece of foam hanging from the wall. I walked over to it to focus all of my attention on the piece of foam. I looked at it, touched it, deeply thought about the fact that I was touching it, etc. Then I thought about the fact that I was even doing this test and it hit me. I'm not exactly sure of what I said or thought, but it went something like, "Holly *bleep*! This is all real! Oh.. wow..." I was truly shocked. It was the fact that "I" (consciousness) was thinking about it and experiencing it that made it real. In the past, after waking up from a lucid dream, I would still carry some of the excitement and vividness back, but this time was different. The experience did not feel as distant and foggy. I was still in a state of amazement.


In the second experience, I was driving down a winding road. I was lucid, but withholding my excitement and just going with the dream. After a while the road turned into a hallway. I was no longer in a car, but was floating along. Four walls closed in around me (not in a scary way). Then it all stopped and I found myself in a room with green shag carpet. I waited a bit, but nothing changed or happened. I took this chance to test the realness. I bent down and ran my fingers through the carpet. I focused on how the carpet looked and felt. Again, I stopped to ponder the notion that I was present at that moment in a state that felt perfectly real. Again, I was amazed. I slowly got lost in looking at the texture of the carpet. I got closer and closer, until I felt like I was a spec of dust floating through the carpet. I began to feel vibrations. From past experiences, I knew that this meant that I was either waking up in sleep paralysis, or changing states. I tried to hold onto the dream, but it slowly slipped away and I found myself in my bed waking up. Like the first test, I woke up in absolute amazement at the level of realness that I had experienced.


The third test took place as I was flying down a road. The Asian man was back, this time he was in a car and racing me. I was lucid and remembered my intent to test the realness. I was flying in a seated position with my legs out in front of me (no car, just me). I looked down at my legs. They did not look like my normal legs, but they were real, they were mine. The road zipped by underneath me. I proceeded very calmly with my thoughts. I did not want any over-excitement to stop the dream. I looked up to the side of the road. I was passing a house. I looked at each detail of the setting very carefully; there was a truck parked out front, gravel in the yard, a chain link fence. I took it all in very carefully, almost daring it not to be real. I was fully existing... testing my surroundings, thinking about the fact that I was thinking about all of this. Again the shock and excitement hit me. At this, I zoomed down the road and exclaimed, "Take me to my guides!" (this was something that I was planning to explore next). The dreamscape began to literally fall apart and vanish. I found myself zooming through thick black nothingness. I admittedly thought to myself, "Oh *bleep*! It worked." I become a little over excited at this and quickly found myself back in my bed waking up.

It is clear that things are not the same in the dream state as in this current state (sitting at my desk). The rules seem to be much different. The level of realness however is the same. As I sit here and type, the only thing that I can truly prove is that I can think and that I can experience. I can say that the process of thinking and experiencing are real; they are a result of "me" existing. It is very interesting to me that this is also the case with lucid dreams and out-of-body experiences. The state and rules may change, but the realness does not. The fact that I exist remains constant in all states. The "realness" seems to be relative to me but not the state itself. This has really made the idea that only consciousness is fundamental make a great deal of sense. I understood the logic of it before, but now I get it. Just thinking about it makes me chuckle and say, "Wow."